I am the unknown candidate for president, roasting in the sun. The Vehicle for World Peace is my forte.´ I hold that world peace and food chain harmony are your entitlements. I’m prepared to deliver the first peaceful night in five thousand years of recorded history, with every line a delicate mull tie ling well sensible rhyme, from dusk until dawn, for all the worlds’ peoples to participate in together, all at once. I bring to the table a world wide program to solve our global warming.

I figure one live nationwide speech before we vote, a chance for me to show my God inspired eloquence, and I’ll win the White House, unless I’m assassinated first. FBI thinks my telephone is their personal party line. Luckily, I have Wonder Woman bracelets, so iamb bulletproof.

Today’s sprechen is Fraud Free Universal Voting. At the risk of wasting time with swine, here is esteemed Gail Collins, of our New Yawk Slimes, defining a transitory prob limb: “Ohio, like the rest of the country, has been working hard to end Election Day delays and errors that have done so much to undermine confidence in our democracy. Authorities here have spent well over 100 million dollars on new voting machines, none of which the secretary of state regards as reliable.”

One hundred million dollars for "unreliable" voting machines? And the other 49 states? "Unreliable" is polite. The touch screens are easily altered to sully an outcome. We are ill equipped to hold a vote where everyone qualified to participate decides to go for it. A lever operated voting machine behind a curtain doesn't cut it anymore.

(Send me to Washington!)

Wolf pointed out, the Bush Kerry bash brought out 122 million people, those, 61% of the eligible. I project 150 million voters will participate in our next election, deep ending on the quality of my campaign.

IBM recently released a mission critical mainframe for one million dollars a copy. What Ohio squandered on voting machines could cover 100 mainframes. For election purposes only, all the states could lease their own mainframes for pennies on the dollar!

Instead of burning a quarter billion gallons of gas coming and going; a billion dollars worth of gasoline, and wasting hours standing in line, we could all cast our ballots by telephone, identifying who we are using our social security numbers. With a touchtone phone, you answer a couple questions and prove the social security numbers are yours.

Voter registration could be a guarantee, like citizenship, so all might participate. That sounds one-party communist, but I believe in the two party system. In my view, one party should be registered voters, the other party, unregistered, with the unregistered in charge of running the elections. The duty of the voters is to convince the disenfranchised unregistered to get involved, to get our democracy back in balance, sew to fix our broken politics.

The constitution doesn’t say anything about a two party system. In lots of states regardless of party affiliation you can vote for candidates from which ever party you favor on primary day. What’s up with that? The major parties are merely money raising shells. The party in power slushes the ducats, to keep its elected officials in office, whilst the out-of-power party calls for fiscal responsibility. In the midst of this take turns charade, more than a third of the people are registered independent.

All the required data bases - 911 telephone technology, census data, Social Security and Board of Elections records can be melded with call center software to insure a fraud free changing of the guard. Someone casting ballot after ballot, pretending to be who they aren't would be flagged immediately. Using fake ID to vote would be impossible!

Even the hint of fraudulent goings on would bring a call center person on line to investigate. The people with authority to disqualify a fraud cast vote could be from our own call centers, trained and tied into the system for Election Day, or outsourced from India, Taiwan, and the Philippines. Outsourcing the overseers appeals as they are foreigners, and therefore, absent a stake about who should win.

I have words for all mankind, but I’m not the savior. I’m the save your money man. Nor am I going to deliver our world to a better place, except from the Oval Office.

Thousands have died since Bush proclaimed, “Mission Accomplished,” with thousands more to follow them. The end of our Iraqi mayhem won’t even come into view until “Little Bush” is plucked from our office, America rid of him.

I volunteer my talent, a giant blessing from G-d, to appear on Iraqi TV hours every day, to save lives, especially lives of our guys and all of the innocent Iraqis, preaching the coming World Peace, establishing in the Iraqi collective mind, and throughout their ancient region, that I am a Holy man, an Imam with the plan to divide up turf on planet urf, and settle all disputes. I can calm the Iraqis, whether I am US president or private prophet, waiting my turn to take the oath of our highest office.

The warmonger Bush, and Barky Obama behind him preaches a surge; more troops, more killing. Exit from Iraq will also increase murders. Bush’s and now Obama's ribbon shirts, military bureaucrats, show allegiance to Bush’s and Obama's world-view, not to we, the people.

I will appear on television with my oldest cat, Oliver Kitty. Regardless how I pick up Oliver for a tickle, he will position himself, his front paws draped over my arm, back legs stretched regal. The fascist in the newsroom blows his stack: “This guy wants to be on TV with his cat?” Yet the mid-east scholar is floored; realizing Mohammad, Allah’s prophet kept cats and had his favorite, which all of the tribes, over the whole Middle East will smile in their hearts and woof about when they see the cat.

The choice for America is clear: beltway blabberific fears, with smoke and mirrors, or poet prophet Cosmic Wrapper, resurfaced to quell evil, via pow wow.

When me and my Iraqi strategy, my Afghanistan strategy, and all my other programs, like Fraud Free Voting, are public knowledge, and we hold a televised meet with no holds barred, know in advance, I plan to refocus the whole Middle East, at middle speech, focus on CNN’s cam, and sing a Hebrew hymn, slowly turning an ancient Hebrew hymn into an Arabic hymn, and then, with every eyeball calmed whirled wide, all of the watching people glued to their televisions, I will, in two minutes flat, solve one of the stickier Middle East prob limbs, a neighborhood issue for them. Should we have a dry run?

The Scripture for peace in the Middle East was carefully written down c. 1971.

We either refocus our presence in Iraq, on democracy and commerce for their own sakes, or pull up stakes! Americans out of uniform in Iraq are death squad targets, as I, on Hoover’s original list, am FBI’s most potent, oldest target. Luckily, J. Edgar’s group is squad less, their fascist itch, gone since Ruby Ridge, and now, after all of these years, Hoover's most hated Jew, arrived on the set. See New York Slimes’ archive; Enter, “jacklegs jumping up.” The Dowd will pop. Read Maureen Dowd. Bush’s blurt is calling for a Hoover crew.

I seek the nomination of both political parties, so we present to the world a united face, the first step toward my coming natch a rill that will suffice as World Peace, beginning with a peaceful night, when all the world’s peoples will be doing the same thing at the same time: watching my whirled wide sprechen on TV. I promise in advance, to spout a delicate sensible, mull tie ling well rhyme, in every line, so all on the planet, our good ship mother earth, feel they are participants.

You have a choice: world peace or smoke and mirrors.

Michael Stephen Levinson