There is a simple solution to protecting the Great Lakes from ecological disaster, and ridding the Mississippi of the Asian carp that destroyed every species of fish that lived there. The answer is the friendly pink skinned fresh water Amazon River dolphin, called Boutu, who'll gladly eat every Asian carp in the whole Mississippi, given the chance.

Rather than watching college basketball on TV, and spending hours to choose which of the teams I expect to win, I'd rather, as president, emulate Teddy Roosevelt, devoting my spare energies to reversing the rape of Mother Nature, returning good ship Mother Earth to her balance.

The Asian carp has destroyed fishing on the Mississippi River. Whatever the reason this carp was brought to USA, it escaped captivity and quickly populated the whole Mississippi, decimating every other species of fish, swimming upstream. They are very nasty, and capable, when crashing by your boat, out of water, to mid air flip and break your nose. A slam against your chest can crack a rib. Nor are these carp very tasty, even when loused with horse radish dip.

The Army Corp of Engineers dug canals that run from Lake Michigan into the Mississippi River. Now these foreign fish are poised to swim the canals and take possession of our Great Lakes fishing industry. A simple measure can preserve Great Lakes diversity: seal the canals with dirt.

Moving iron ore from Lake Michigan onto Mississippi barges can be easily accomplished with fork lifted pallets of oar loaded on flat beds and carried to the Mississippi barges. A railroad line for those few miles could also very cost effectively move the ore, but the status quo engineering bureaucracies are opposed to this, preferring their canals, while the greatest fresh water bodies on earth face an unstoppable ecologic disaster, that, soon to begin with the Asian carp's migration.

These Mother Nature raping bureaucracies, beholden to commercial interests, imagine an electric fence will chain the carp. These are the same people who determined the way to save the coho salmon was to barge the baby salmons down to the Pacific from the Columbia River estuaries, so from the year of their first barging, 99.9 % of the Salmon run cannot find their way home!

Fishing the Great Lakes may soon be only a memory, but those college basketball teams will be chosen.

One possibility is to put a bounty on the carp; five bucks a fish. Motor boats in the Mississippi freak the Asian carp and they jump, but netting these carp mid-air is at your own risk. Better shotgun mavens shoot the freaking fish, harvesting all the dead floaters and dividing the prey for their hard earned bounty. In that case, best to fish for Asian carp dressed in a Kevlar vest and motorcycle helmet.

Let Mother Nature come to our rescue. Bring in the Boutu, the Amazon River's fresh water, boat friendly dolphin. These beautiful pink skinned Boutu live to be a good thirty years old, the males growing more than six feet. They are singular but love to travel in pairs. The Amazon dolphins sport unwrinkled foreheads with long smiling beaks, a couple dozen super strong teeth in the front of their jaws for holding prey, and fish bone crunching wisdom teeth in the back!

The Boutu are plentiful, in all the estuaries of South America, but an endangered species, murdered for their blubber. Several hundred have been caught for aquarium display but they don't do well in captivity. These river dolphins feed on Amazon catfish, and other heavily scaled fish, including piranhas. They are less than enthusiastic about dining on half thawed dead herring, the bill of fare in your typical Ocean World sea mammal pool. I expect these dolphins would consider capturing carp a team workable challenge, leading to raucous fresh water banquets, splitting forty pounders.

President Obama could immediately issue passports for a couple hundred of these dolphins, jobs for a couple hundred marine biologists overseeing their capture, transporting the first few boutu to a temporary Ocean World facility, Ellis Island for Amazon dolphins, with a couple dozen live Asian carp swiming in the pool to greet them.

After one or two weeks of Ocean Ellis Island World taste-bud development, these marvelous dolphins can be relocated in the head waters of the Mississippi. The more the merrier! The crafty dolphins, competing for carpe diem will herd the Asian carp back down the Mississippi, feasting daily as they go.

Then after every single invasive Asian carp has become our visiting Boutu's main course, Congress can decide whether or not to let these documented dolphins live in USA a few more years, protecting the Mississippi. We can always thin the Boutu's ranks, deporting all the old timer dolphins to the Amazon of their forefathers, to live happily ever after in retirement, on Bolivian medicare.